Bought a high-end Alienware machine for 2,300 GBP. It suffers from a textbook case of noisy fan (clearly audible high-pitched whirring at slow RPM). They wanted me to go through a support script that would have taken me 2 hours to follow, and included opening the machine.
I am not doing your job, I paid 2,300 GBP for this very reason. Just come and replace my bloody fan or get lost.
I already issued a return.