I get the feeling this company is trying to squeeze as much money out of their customers as possible. It goes like this: - Hi, I would like to order a CPAP machine, please. Really need it now, I am suffering from such bad sleep. --- Sure, we will take the money for it right now. Please stand by while we process. - Hm, OK.... --- We are sorry but you will have to pay us even more money before you are allowed to purchase one of our wonderful machines. You see, the margins on this kit is not high enough so we have devised a few clever schemes to further increase our profits. So, you will need to order a sleep study kit. This is a STEAL at £99. But wait, there is more! We will not only ship this to you toute suite, if you want to do the sleep study for not just ONE night but a whole TWO nights we will charge you an extra thirty pounds for this. You see, our highly paid lab technician, recently arrived from a country somewhere in Asia, will have to work five minutes longer and we will of course need to compensate him accordingly. - So there is no other way I can just get you to ship this machine to me? I have such a terrible headache today from my bad sleep. I'm almost hallucinating. I could have sworn I woke up thinking about dancing squirrels. --- Really sorry to hear about your bad sleep. Hopefully it will improve with your brand new, shiny CPAP machine which we are ALMOST ready to ship to you. Just need to pay us that little bit more money, mate. - OK, then. Just send it over. Here is £99 in a really big penny jar. --- Thank you. We will send the kit over. Oh by the way did we mention, you are just renting the kit. It is not your property. You just use it and send it back to us. Our lab tech is eagerly standing by. - The dancing squirrels seem more and more real. Seriously. I sent you the kit back a week ago. As my US colleagues say, what gives? --- Oh. Well, we were just watching the new series of Breaking Bad here. Really good. Anyway. Your sleep study indicates that we would really like to send you the machine but we may not be allowed. Some government inspector came by the other day and mentioned something about "liability". We thought we had to take it seriously. Oh and we don't seem to have insurance for this "liability" thing. Not even sure what "indemnity" means either. It's such a big word. Hopefully you understand? - Not really. Look, I know I have sleep apnea. I wake up from my own snoring. It's so bad HACAN have started a new chapter where I live to protest about the snoring noise emanating from my bedroom. --- We sympathise. Oh well. We will send you the kit then. Our reliable driver Barry will be drop it off in a day or two. - I can't wait. Have told the local HACAN chapter the noise is very likely to subside. --- You are welcome. Hope you like it. - It arrived today, and I do. It works so well. The only thing is, it's a bit harsh on my sinuses. Any advice? --- Ah yes, that is easily remedied. You just have to purchase a small piece of plastic that fits under the machine. It is called a humidifier and will solve all your problems. Likely also our cashflow problems since we are flogging this at well over a hundred pounds but it's really just a piece of plastic and the manufacturer sells them to us for a fiver. Not bad going for a few minutes work. - Fair enough. I just need to sort out my very sore nostrils and sinuses now. Can you please send me this plasticthingy I need? --- Of course, Sir. We do really fast and reliable deliveries around here. In fact, since you requested this on a Tuesday we aim to deliver on Monday - the same week! How about that for speedy service? - I am really impressed. I checked outside my door, and there it was, the parcel was in fact delivered yesterday. How did you know? --- Our lab tech is such a whizz with the ouija board. We had a session during lunch yesterday and he correctly predicted you would need this. Thank you so much for your order. Oh by the way have you SEEN what is going on in Breaking Bad? It's so cool. - No, I have not. I tried the plastic tray...sorry humidifier. Not a bad piece of kit. All is well now. Thank you.