we arrived at the meeting point 18:30 Sunday. after 4.5hrs and 83 phone calls of being told the car was 15mins away we were then told the car had been left in the car park with the key next the to the car. by this point there were 10 other people waiting for their cars to be returned and panic was spreading across the group as we all realised we’d probably been scammed. after searching each floor of the car park we didn’t find our car, but we did find 5 of the other cars with the keys left alongside them and the company receipt on the dashboard. of these 5 cars - 2 were damaged, 1 was a different colour and the final 2 had been pictured crossing the finish line of the Dakar Rally that very morning in a photo finish for the final podium position. sadly they didn’t leave the celebratory champagne but the 2 used condoms on the passenger seat suggested that the black Focus was the victor in the dead heat and, surprisingly, rather spacious inside. after commiserating with the owner of the 4th place Clio we realised we’d had our phone numbers blocked by the company and we had to find a pay phone to call them and give them the news that our car wasn’t among the those found in the car park hunt. at this point they accused us of lying about which terminal we were at, not dropping the car off the first place, then told us we don’t actually own a car, that we were all part of a simulation controlled by the mainstream media and then, that actually they still had the key there in the office and someone would be along with the car in, you guessed it, 15mins. with the ultimatum of - tell us where the car is now or we will call the police, they finally admitted that the car was actually at a different terminal entirely with the key handily left next the the car. we then bid farewell to the remaining waiting customers and boarded the train to the other terminal to search the levels of the exciting new car park. we amazingly found our white Fiesta even tho it was half caked in mud. how it was only the top half i’ll never know but i have to admit, part of me was pretty impressed. when opening the (unlocked) car door the smell of cannabis was so blinding by the time i’d recovered the ticket from the dashboard and walked to pay the charge, my feet had become stuck to the floor and i was engrossed in a deep and meaningful debate around the ethics euthanasia with a bollard. thankfully we could agree that using a bollard was highly inappropriate and my feet became unstuck. after paying the 20quid charge to release the car we then began driving home with our heads out of the window before running out of petrol about 20mins later. when pushing the car to the nearest garage the boot popped open and we found a black sports bag stuffed with cash and 2 bricks of unbranded sugar. after the strongest coffees of our lives we managed to get home in record time and finally put the saga to bed at 4am Monday. overall i’d have to rate this service a deserved 1 star out of 5. yes, they’re a bunch of lying, thieving, degenerate scumbags but they sure do know their sugar! and the 10grand in small notes more than covered the tank of petrol and platinum car wash when we woke up Wednesday afternoon.