Dear Hermes Delivery Service. Whilst driving along today listening to Greatest Hits I was inspired to write you a review on your Professional Delivery Service. A LONG LONG TIME AGO, Once upon a time there was a Parcel We will call the Parcel Ernie. It was about a month ago to be precise. Ernie apparently reached Oxfordshire but was promptly sent back on a van RETURN TO SENDER.. Anyhow my client wasn’t very happy and neither was I So I decided to give you a call the state my frustration. Almost a month to the date and having phoned and phoned and phoned and having lost count of the number of times I have called and and being told WE ARE BUSY AT THE MOMENT ANSWERING CALLS YOUR CALL IS IMPORTANT TO US PLEASE HOLD. YOU KEEP ME HANGING ON THE TELEPHONE Each phone call resulted in a minimum of a 20 minute hold, and on the occasions it was answered (twice) it tried to connect I was immediately cut off. As a result of the many hours on hold, I have now devised words to the music (that has no words) I have also been brainwashed by the tune and I can hear it constantly whilst asleep. I CANT GET YOU OUT OF MY HEAD Now your response is not very Professional, would you not agree Hermes? HOWEVER, today was your last chance it was NOW OR NEVER, and FINALLY IT HAPPENED TO ME. I got connected. I WAS SO EXCITED, the phone was answered (following a 30 minute wait) I almost peed my pants, and I completely forgot why I had called. However, Ahmed put me to rights and brought me back to reality, Ahmed had a great sense of humour. You need to put that on your Job Applications, it goes a long way in your business. After discussing with him my lyrics of the tune with no song, I told him that the tune you should use should be from MISSION IMPOSSIBLE as it would be a far more appropriate piece of music. Having explained my frustration, Ahmed filed me in on the situation with ERNIE. Apparently Ernie was the FASTEST PARCEL IN THE WEST (of Yorkshire). He went to Oxfordshire he arrived in the Depot and was there for 15 minutes and then sent back RETURN TO SENDER, the reason given was” unable to get Access”, but ERNIE never left the depot….mmmm. Now Hermes, DON’T LIE TO ME, but don’t your terms and conditions state that you would KNOCK 3 TIMES before returning. I think the” No Access” was a bit of a porkie by your delivery driver. As a courier driver for a Professional Courier Service myself, I understand we can all have bad days, like hitting every RED LIGHT in the district, hitting Floods, Roads closed, RTA,s , AND even on occasion getting lost, but really……….I think this driver was having a really really BAD DAY. He really must have been ON THE ROAD TO HELL. Was it snowing in Oxford that day? Or a Hurricane/Tornado, perhaps a Sunami? However, thank heaven for guys like Ahmed who said he had been working from Home and was extremely busy. Ahmed organised my refund, apologised and even gave me a voucher code. (very happy now) Having used Hermes for a number of years without incident, I sincerely hope I don’t suffer this kind of incident again, and my restless nights of the nightmare tune can be put to bed. ITS NOT ABOUT THE MONEY. After all it was only £2.90 but it was about the principal as a professional company particularly of your size I would of expected a more Professional Response. After finishing my phone call, I turned my radio back on and what was playing……..ITS ALRIGHT NOW ……. Magic. Yours professionally Wendy Brown.